Wednesday, March 19, 2008

a quarters worth of ponderings...


It might be a quarter life crisis, or maybe just postpartum hormones returning to normal- but I have been thinking a lot about all those heavy things.

I have always been a planner, dreamer, future thinker. I have never been very good at living in the moment. I always have the excitement of my dreams for the future in the back of my mind. Lately I have this voice saying "Don't settle".

So what does it mean to settle? I am not sure. Is it each individuals responsibility to identify what exactly they want in their lives- in a job, home, family, spouse- and refuse to accept less? Why does it feel almost selfish? And on these levels, is it perfectly okay to be selfish?
How do personal desires and pursuits correlate with living for God? I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts. But I have also heard the saying "if you don't want to do it, its probably what God wants you to do".

Whats worse, if upon defining what I want for my life and my girls I realize that my current state is "settling"- is it my responsibility to them to create change? Is refusing to remain complacent with the life you have the hardest part of getting the life you want?

I understand the circumstances that have brought me to the place I am at. I get it. I know that life is short...real short. I want to live a full life, and a quarter of it has already come and gone...

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