Austin proposed to me last July.

As I have stated before, I am commitment phobic. And I had decided that I would never get married. With the divorce rate at 64%+, it seemed like marriage had lost its meaning. I found it hard to trust myself, coming from a "multiple marriage" kind of home. But somewhere, deep inside, I held out for my dream of marriage. A God centered marriage, with a best friend, a good man who would love loyally and faithfully. One who would be an incredible father, a hard worker, an honest man who knew the value of a woman. Did such a thing exist?

I was completely caught of guard when he proposed. I didn't see it coming. Sure, we just found out we were expecting, but I specifically told him I didn't want that to change anything. Little did I know he had been talking to his parents about proposing to me for quite some time. He opened that little blue box, down on his knee, with that smile on his face, and asked me so eagerly as Brooklyn was giddy with excitement. And before I could reply, my heart said yes. Before my brain could send the signal to my vocal chords to give him an answer, my heart just said yes. I was shocked. What was happening to me? Was my heart trusting in ways my brain couldn't? Did my cynical stance on marriage give way for my own beautiful, fairytale moment? Or was that God? I thought back to the day following our very first date...I told my mom I thought I had met the man I was going to marry. It was me indulging in the dream.

I have to take a moment to talk about the ring. It is my perfect ring. Very vintage, lots of tiny diamonds, and the center diamond was in his mother's ring. It is flawless. Austin picked it out. There is something special about a man picking an engagement ring, one that he thinks suits you. He went into a local family owned jewelery store downtown, and looked over many settings before he picked the very one he thought was perfect for me. And it is perfect.

And recently, I have actually felt ready to be married. It has taken going through some serious struggles, finding out just what we are made of. It has taken hours of counseling, and sorting through the baggage, disposing of the crap we have both been carrying for far too long. It has taken serious prayer. It has taken very hard work at maintaining a commitment, when anyone else would throw in the towel.

I think it does exist...the kind of marriage I dream of. I think for as beautifully wonderful as it can and will be, it takes a proportionate amount of very hard work. Sometimes, when things get rough, its just a matter of waking up and vowing that on that day, you will not give up. So for what its worth, my experiences have taught me a few things. It is essential that your partner be your very best friend. It is essential that you build your relationship on a foundation that can't be broken, for me that was God. And counseling...lots of counseling...preferably before you tie the knot.