Have you ever seen such a cute cow before? There is even a cute little cow tail in the back! And boy howdy, she knew she was cute too! Oh, and then there was the monkey. You should have seen the monkey. You might have recognized her from this post. I have always loved Halloween. But anymore, Halloween has become bittersweet. Halloween means Brookie's birthday is right around the corner. My baby isn't so much a baby. There is just something about turning five. She is officially no longer a baby, and I can't even cling to "toddler" anymore. She will be starting Kindergarten next year. She is so stinkin smart and we have real conversations. Great conversations. Today she helped me pick out a dress for Gregg's funeral, even buttoned the back of one for me. She walked up sidewalks to scary houses and didn't even need me to go with her. After I told her for like the sixth time to make sure she said thank you, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "Mom, you can stop saying that. You don't have to tell me every time." Oh. Okay. You can walk up sidewalks to scary porches while I look on. You can say "trick-or-treat" all by yourself, and remember your manners all by yourself. You can carry your bucket and tell others "Happy Halloween!" with such sincere enthusiasm. You can tell perfect strangers how cute their little baby lady bug is. You.are.a.big.girl...My heart was a little sad this Halloween. My family hurts right now. My father passed away this week. I was excited to take the girls trick-or-treating. (Despite the fact that I had forgotten my sneakers to change into, and Charlie's stroller. So I had to walk in heels/barefoot, carrying my roly poly cow, for like...a mile. :)
I was wishing that I had someone to experience this with. I was wishing that I had someone to get excited with me, to help me, to look on at what a big girl my Brooklyn has become. But only for a moment, and then Brooklyn slipped her little hand in mine and said, "Mama, I wanna go home." We got home and Brooklyn dumped all her candy in our family candy bowl. Then she asked if I wanted some. I'm telling you, I have the most amazing daughters. I told Brooklyn to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She said, "I wanna sleep with you, mom. I just wanna snuggle you."
Of course she can sleep with me. Because although she is almost five, she still wants her mama at the end of the day. She's not that big. Well, not yet. I am trying to savor every moment. My first five years of motherhood have taught me so much. I have never been more in love. Brooklyn is so beautiful, so sweet hearted, so loving and kind and happy. Someone today said, "Brooklyn, you are just so happy every time I see you! Are you always this happy?" Yep. That's her. She brings joy to everyone she meets. She is the best big sister, and she helps me take care of Charlotte every single day. God knows I am so proud of her. And today, when she helped me button the back of my dress, I had this moment of realization. Brooklyn is my best friend. What the three of us have is something very very special. My daughters are the ultimate God Gifts. It just doesn't get much better then this.
Tomorrow is the funeral. I'm gearing up for what I know will be a very emotional day. And while endings are always sad, I'm so glad that he isn't in pain anymore, and I intend to celebrate him. Beauty from ashes, faith from fear, gladness from mourning, peace from despair. I think I am starting to feel some of that peace I have been praying for.
My monkey and my little cow are asleep. I think I am going to go snuggle them for awhile. There is no place in the whole world I'd rather be.
God is so good.
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